But As You Will

Hello everyone! Hope this finds you well. I’m going to share a bit and piece of my heart here. I’m entering this new season in my life where it’s starting to get discouraging, hard, and scary. Fitting because at this time Jesus would now begin his greatest mission which is his crucifixion. Being in my discouraged state, I decided to read up on Matthew 26 specifically when Jesus went up to Gethsemane. He prayed. He prayed to His Father. It says in v.39 “Going a little further, fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Personally, this is the most vulnerable I’ve seen Jesus in scripture. He exudes human like qualities when He asked His Father to take the burden, sorrow, pain, agony from Him. Often I forget Jesus was as human as me. He went through joys and sorrows much like me. Much like us. In this season that I’m going through, it’s hard and it’s scary. Do I ask God to take it from me? Definitely. But also in this season, I’m learning the beauty of unwavering faith. I’m learning that it doesn’t always have to look pretty. I can be discouraged, scared, and it can be hard, but I believe that’s where the beauty lies. In those moments where it’s real and raw with God. Jesus was real and raw with His Father when He asked him to take His cup from Him.

But see here it is, “…Yet not as I will, but as You will.” Jesus though he asked for his cup to be taken from him still showed reverence to God by disregarding what he wanted and wanting what his father willed for him. Here’s where the lessons on unwavering faith comes to play for me. Sometimes I get so caught up trying to match His will to my will. When I try to force the desires of my heart, but it’s completely not His desires for me. Yea that. God put me to my knees. What’s faith when I’m not trusting that what He has for me is better than what I wanted for myself. Denise…come on! I honestly think that’s what God is yelling at me every single time I do this to myself. BUT this new season of life has got me constantly repeating those same words Jesus prayed in Gethsemane. “Yet not as I will, but as You will.” I’m scared of what God has in store for me in this season, but I know that it’s good. Just a reminder, for me and for you that it’s ok to be discouraged and scared. Be real with Jesus, He knows what it feels like. Thanks for taking the time to read!