I Am Loved

Hello Friends! It's been on my heart for a while to do some sort of series like this. To share the story of an answered prayer, is to share with someone hope. Whether or not that prayer is something you relate to, the fact alone that it was heard and our faithful God responded, is hope in itself. From simple to complex, He is a prayer answering God. 

For as long as I can remember I've had this fixation on love. Truuuuuue love. I come from a traditional Filipino family where parental love is something that is "understood" more than it is "felt". Through no fault of my parents, it was just simply how they were raised. Showing or expressing love wasn't a priority, providing-for and acts of service were how they showed love. However, to a youngster growing up in America, with TV shows like Full House and Family Matters, love was shown in saying "I love you" often in grand gestures and love was shown in kisses and warm embraces. I wanted that. I wanted to FEEL loved, not just know I am. 

So, unknowingly I became obsessed with it. This showed in many different ways that only in hindsight can I label as my "Great Pursuit of Love". In High School, I became a people pleaser. The thought of making many friends, pleasing people, making them happy (despite the cost) would get me love in return. I tried to be funny all the time. People loveeeeee funny people. One thing that also happened, naturally, as someone who grew up in a Christian home, the pursuit of love entered into my prayer life. 

"LORD if I you could help me find THE ONE. A boyfriend. Someone to love and love me in return. Bring him to me Lord, the one you have created for me. MAKE...HIM...LIKE...ME (lol)." 

I'm pretty sure I prayed a thousand of those in prayers in a thousand different ways. So I waited. Senior year of high school brought me my first boyfriend. Freshman year of college brought me my first break up. College was a lost time for me. I hadn't set up a proper foundation with God and the world of peer pressure really ate me up. Being a Christian "wasn't cool" so I did more that just hide it, I abandoned it. I abandoned Him. Man I thought I knew it all. I thought I knew what it took to garner my own happiness. Hundreds of bad decisions later, a few painfully failed relationships, a number days of emptying myself out into someone, never fulfilled, I was back where I started. It was late 2007. I had just moved home from college and ended a 2 1/2 year relationship. I was alone.

But was I? Looking back at that time, I was not alone. Even when I abandoned Him, He never left my side. He was ahead. He had prepared. He had a plan. He had not forgotten my prayer or the desires of my heart. He needed me to realize something first though. Through a fall and winter of new opportunities, I found myself plugged into my home church, serving a youth group, and experiencing a rich and beautiful relationship with God. Though those months of renewal God revealed to me a wonderful, magical thing.

I am loved. 

I am loved beyond measure, comparison, or boundary. I am loved by the creator of the universe and nothing can separate me from His love. So I indulged in the knowledge of that. I plunged heart first into serving Him, praising Him, and giving all I could for Him. And you'll never guess what happened next...

God brought me the one He created JUST FOR ME. 

Fastforward 10 years and I wake up to kisses and warm embraces. More importantly though, even if I didn't wake up to kisses and warm embraces, I KNOW I am loved. And that friends, is an answered prayer. <3